When was the last time I woke up at 7am voluntarily? I literally cant remember. Yet here I am in a hotel guest room, typing away while my mom and grandma sleep in the bed next to me. This reversal of sloth-like behavior is not normal and is only adding to my current state of freak out.
At approximately 10am this morning, I will begin moving 18 years into my very traditionally-sized (microscopic) college dorm room.
Although I'm anxious to see if all I brought will make it into my new dresser and closet, it's not really the unpacking or the hauling of 70 lb suitcases up four flights of stairs that is interrupting my normally perfect sleeping pattern. The thousands of new people I am about to meet are the culprits! I lay awake each night, agonizing over whether my roommate and I will become best friends, if the boys will think I'm pretty, and if my professors will deem me worthy of an A.
But these are superficial thoughts. The underlying depths of my concerns stem from what are my greatest hopes for this new life, and the forces that could shatter them. College, for me, needs to be the time when the person I want to be finally steps into the light. Only with 100% confidence in my body, in my relationships, and in my accomplishments will this be me, but lofty goals are the best ones, right? I want to become a better version of myself right now - Me2.0.
Along with becoming more awesome, I have to worry about whether I will even have the chance to return to USC next year. This year is a real gamble for my family, because without any financial aid from my school or the government, $58k a year is pretty mind-numbingly expensive. It is our hope that my being here increases my odds for earning scholarship money than my not being here, and in a pact with my parents, I vowed to epitomize the perfect student in an attempt to become irreplaceable to my school. That is a hell of a lot of pressure.
Basically, I am jumping into a whole lot of lofty expectations, comprised mostly of my own. Here's to hoping I can do myself & the others investing in this endeavor proud.
